That Nagging Worry (Risk, closed)

[Steinerman]

It was late afternoon, the sun had already begun its slow descent towards the horizon, its lazy golden beams falling heavily on the knee-high grass of the area.

Gillian had come out here on a whim to escape it all, out of the city and away from the crush of humanity.

Lunch had been good, she'd enjoyed Lightshield's company, they'd chatted aimlessly as they ate, nothing terribly important.

And then Alyssa had taken her leave, Gillian had an appointment a little after lunch, and Alyssa had mentioned going out to the countryside.

The meeting had been horrendously boring, and for some reason, Gillian couldn't concentrate on it. She told herself there was nothing to be worried about, she had a beautiful dress (now back at her quarters in the Guildhall), and tonight she would meet the man she was quite sure she was in love with. Nothing to be worried about, nothing at all.

So why wouldn't her heart stop hammering? It wasn't the rush of combat, the feeling she got when she kissed a man, no. It was sickening "thud thud thud" of a worried heart. Something, it told her, was horribly wrong. And she wasn't quite sure why she thought that.

So she had gone from the guildhall to the motor-pool, grabbed the nearest driver and told him to take her out of the city, that she wanted some truly fresh air, and that "No", she didn't want one of the nature preserves that he oh-so-politely suggested, she wanted to get out of the city for a few hours.

And he'd taken her, a knowing smile on his lips. The man obviously knew she was worried, and apparently thought her idea of getting out of the city for a few hours was a good one. They'd driven along the main road, past dozens of patrols (including a particularly graceful Stamarian Knight upon her Wyvern) and out the massive gates of the city.

They'd reached a particularly beautiful area of the countryside, the earthy smells of grass and dirt and trees wafting lazily through the air. In the distance she saw several small stables and a very few riders on horseback.

Here, on this small hill, she took a giant breath of air, attempting to calm the worried hammering in her chest. Finally, in the peaceful stillness of the countryside, away from the worries of leading a aged and ill-respected Order, her mind locked onto the problem.

He hadn't called.

He hadn't called. He always called, the day he was coming to see her, like clockwork he would call in the morning. Or send a letter by private courier. But today he hadn't. It was something of an anniversary for them, and she felt sure he should have called. But he hadn't.

Her heart started to hammer harder and faster. She had an unfortunately good imagination, and it was gleefully taking her through all the possible scenarios for his lack of communication, few of them were good, and most ended with her dead or in a jail somewhere.

Slowly, ever-so-slowly, Gillian Arvestus sank to the ground, kneeling in the dirt, eyes closed tight as she offered a prayer for her lover's safety.

[Risk]

Alyssa Lightshield sat high in her saddle, black leather pants contrasting impressively against the shining white pelt of her stallion. Her satin red shirt puffed out at the sleeves, slimming down into her black riding gauntlets, one of which gripped the gold reins tightly. The other gloved hand was holding a long white rope, coiled into a thick bundle between her fingers. At the end of it was a small but sturdy appaloosa mare. The knight-commander had just acquired this small horse at a sale and kindly named her Ashfire. The mare had thick legs and a flowing wispy mane and tail that waved at intervals. Her eyes were a gentle brown.

Her stallion was standing perfectly still, hip stuck out, hoof tipped up in a relaxed position as the mare circled him on the lead, exercising and showing her new master her gaits and temperament before she would be ridden. Alyssa wasn't all that concerned about her being too wild. She was young, but she was kind and soft-tempered. A gentle murmur and soft tug on the lead brought the mare to a stop and back in toward the stallion and his rider. The two horses snuffled noses and said hello as Alyssa's soft but stern gaze turned around the area.

There were a few other riders around her, but most of them were just out to exercise their mount or run riding drills before classes the next day. She sighed, watching a struggling student press his gelding's side to have him sidestep, but to no avail. The horse wouldn't move. Alyssa didn't go to help him though. He had to learn his horse just as much as he had to learn a new friend. It had to be a relationship. Not a workmanship.

And then her gaze landed on the Grandmaster. Alyssa was surprised. The woman had no reason to be out here, in the middle of nowhere, on top of a hill looking down past the city to the commoners. Alyssa only came here for the quiet openness to ride in peace, but she couldn't imagine a reason for Gillian to have come. So Lightshield started over, walking the two horses slowly up the hill. "Grandmaster," She called out, "Are you quite well?" She removed the black, wide-brimmed hat from her head and gave a mounted bow.

[Steinerman]

Gillian froze when she heard the voice call out.

Part of her, a large part, wanted to round on Lightshield and scream "No! I'm not 'Quite well'! I'm worried sick about a man that I love, who also happens to be an enemy of the state!"

But no, that wouldn't help, it would only make her look childish and most likely get her killed as well. Her heart was still hammering, but she forced her shallow breathing to slow, taking deeper breaths, concentrating on the beauty of the countryside.

She had no mirror with which to check her face. She had cried a little, but she wasn't much for makeup anyways, hopefully the effects of the tears hadn't damaged what little makeup she wore.

She stood gracefully and turned, a sad smile upon her lips. To tell the truth would be death. But to lie might mean to lose a possible friend, and at the moment she was almost desperate for a friend. So, she would tell the truth, but leave out a few key details.

"Knight-Commander," she greeted with forced cheerfulness. "what a pleasant surprise."

She paused for a moment, thinking things through. In all of the countryside where she could have been driven, her driver had taken her here? No...more likely the drivers at the motor-pool had already talked amongst themselves, and when the man had realized she was in a bad mood back at the Motor pool, he must have driven her out towards the area he knew Lightshield would frequent.

It didn't surprise her, though. Not really. The Motor-pool drivers talked amongst themselves all the time, and while she doubted Lightshield had ever used their services, (she much seemed to prefer horseback to automobile) she also found it easy to believe that her driver knew where the Knight-Commander spent her time in the countryside.

So, I'm victim of a plot of goodwill. Bringing me to where he knew the closest thing I have to friend would be, how utterly clever of him

She kept the forced smile upon her face,"I apologize. I didn't mean to follow you out into the countryside. I wasn't really paying attention to where my driver was taking me. I imagine he thought this was the best place to drop me off." She said lightly, chuckling slightly.

[Risk]

Alyssa tied the reigns of the two horses together, knowing her stallion wouldn't let the young mare go anywhere, and dismounted, letting them drop their heads to graze. The stable hands could clean the bits later. It wasn't her job, and they needed to earn their pay. Removing her riding gloves and stashing them in her back pocket, she walked slowly over to her commanding officer and turned her feet to stand directly beside her. If her private driver had brought her here, it was because he thought Gillian needed her Knight Commander for some reason. Alyssa didn't quite know why, but whatever the reason, she was here now.

And Gillian had dodged her question, "What troubles you, M'lady?" It was obvious something was wrong. Obvious that the Grandmaster needed her. Whether that was for physical protection or emotional support, she wasn't sure at all, but she knew that she had to do her job and protect her. From everything.

"If you wish, we could take a ride to relax you. Perhaps you would be more comfortable getting some exercise in the fresh air."

[Steinerman]

Gillian's body shuddered, and to her great annoyance, she was at first unable to control the fear that shocked through her like an electric current. But slowly, her mind fought an up-hill struggle to regain control, and though it seemed an eternity in her mind, no more than a few seconds had passed before her body became still again.

Her mouth opened as though to speak, and she had to struggle to make the words come out. Her mind raced violently, thinking up a tale that was close enough to the truth to ring of it, but far enough away from that same truth to keep her head attached to her shoulders.


"My...well, not exactly my fiancé, he hasn't actually asked the question yet..." She trailed off, her mind lost deep in thoughts.

A few moments dragged into a minute of awkward silence, until finally she blurted out. "He hasn't called. He travels quite a bit for his work, but we have a schedule of days to see each other. And he always calls or sends word the day he's to return. And he hasn't." She ended with rushed finality, obviously wishing to continue, but at the same time unsure if she should.

[Risk]

Alyssa's generally stone-like face did not falter. The stern gaze she always held did not soften. She recognized the pain in this woman's eyes from the face she herself had seen in the mirror when her man had died. She thought of her sword at home, hung on the wall, the silver orbs swimming around inside the hilt...No, not here. Gillian needed normalcy, and Alyssa had to remain bold and strong for her, not fall apart based on silly nostalgia. She slowly removed her riding gloves, smoothing them over one another and tucking them gently into her back pocket, gently stepping over to stand squarely in front of Gillian, "If I know anything about you," she said, gaze drilling into the other woman's eyes, "You would not choose for yourself a man who would be easily taken. If he has not sent word to you, he is perhaps running behind or is otherwise unable to reach you properly."

Unable to touch her Grandmaster in any comforting way without overstepping her place, she put her fist over her heart, "If the Grandmaster wishes it," She began gently, though firmly, "I would gladly put together a small patrol and set out to search for him." Suspicion was tearing at her mind and her heart. Why was Gillian being so vague? Why so...worried? Her fiance was not speaking to her, and she was worried, but the woman knew that Alyssa Lightshield was at her disposal to search for the man. So why hadn't she been sent out yet?

[Steinerman]

The idea hit like a bullet, send Lightshield to search for him?

Could it work?

Gillian's face took on an expression of shock, she hadn't even dreamed of that possibility. Immediately her mind went into action, trying to explain to her why it wouldn't work, why it would get her killed or hurt.

She prayed her face didn't betray any of the myriad of emotions that were playing through her mind. Hope and happiness, followed swiftly by dismay as she realized that she couldn't allow it to happen.

Arguably, as the Grand Master, she could technically send forth a Knight-Commander to search for a such a man as her lover. But things got a lot more complicated when the man she was in love with and worried sick about also happened to be working for a rival nation.

Her parents were traitors who actively worked against the Empire. It had been made very clear to Gillian that any hint of that sort of behavior would have painful consequences for her, and most likely spell the end of the order.

Her expression grew pained, she'd need a convincing answer for Lightshield.

"Knight-Commander, Alyssa. It is very kind of you to offer your services in this..." She paused, the words choking off for a moment.

With an effort of will she continued, once again in full control of her emotions,"This personal matter. But it would not look good for the Order to send a team to find the man who isn't even quite my fiancé yet. Sadly, appearances matter a great deal right now." She ended with a shrug.

A moment later she indicated the horses, trying to draw the conversation away from her worry.

"They're a beautiful pair of horses. Do you ride often?"

[Risk]

Alyssa's eyes narrowed ever so slightly as Gillian brushed off her offer of help. Both women knew all too well that despite the fact that the man was a mere friend in the eyes of the nation, a person of interest to such an important soldier would warrant a search by any means. But Alyssa new her place.

"As you wish, Grandmaster." Alyssa put her gloves back on as her commanding officer gestured to the horses, and turned back to brush a few grass seeds off the face of her stallion. Did she ride often. The smallest hint of a small crossed her shadowed face as the sun began to disappear behind the hills. Every day... She thought, They are my only friends." But she did not say this. She knew that in all likelihood Gillian considered them to be friends after their activities today. But it was not the case. After the Great Wars, Alyssa had learned not to become close with her combatant peers, commander or subordinate it did not matter.

They were too easily lost and not as easily gained. It was not worth the agony of loss to become close with them. He had taught her that. She turned back after a moment and faced her commander with that same stone face, "I come here every day to train them and keep them in shape. They're no different than soldiers," She stroked the mare's nose with a single gloved finger, "They must keep their skills honed."

The mare was the right size for her leader...and fast for her size. She had been well kept, and was in good shape, and her stallion would easily withstand such a task. "If I may be so bold, Grandmaster..." Her gaze became hard and she made her move, "What would be the harm in a Knight escorting her Commander on a ride through the forest? And who's to say the Commander did not request to keep going until the Knight had no choice but to make camp for the night? And suppose the two soldiers ran across a certain man..."

She stopped. This was far beyond what her rank should allow, "I apologize, Ma'am. I forgot my place."

[Steinerman]

Gillian eyed Alyssa carefully, contemplating her words.

If only he were on this continent... she thought, her eyes filling with pain.

"Sadly, he is in Allondell on business, he's a curator of old artifacts and books, you see. He wanted to look for an ancient manuscript in Minervum, at the Library."

Amazingly enough, that was reasonably close to the truth. He was indeed in Minervum, searching for a particular manuscript that was generally quite hard to come by. One of the reasons she was so worried in fact, was that it was a such a simple job, there should have been nothing dangerous about it.

So why didn't he write?

She smiled easily, "However, Knight-Commander, a horse-ride would be quite welcome. If the offer is still open, that is?"

[Risk]

Alyssa nodded and bowed to Gillian, "My apologies Grandmaster. I did not realize." She stood up straight again and listened to the woman speak again, "Of course, Ma'am. It will be my pleasure." She turned back to the smaller mare and threw her reigns over her neck, turning the horse broadside to her commanding officer and standing ready to help her up into the saddle. She wasn't sure if she'd ever ridden before and didn't want to be responsible for her harm if she needed help.

The horses seemed disinterested in whatever it was that was going on, but she was sure her stallion could sense her anxiety. Whether her face was stone or not...her heart was pounding. Something about Gillian's story struck her the wrong way. Why so secretive? She wondered, Why so...serious? She suppressed a sigh, "At your leisure, M'lady."

[Steinerman]

Gillian bit her lip in mild apprehension, it had been...how long? Since she last rode a horse. Faint memories of riding at her parent's estate outside of Minervum. Her parents hadn't been much for riding, even when they were around, which in itself was rare.

But there had been a woman, the groundskeeper, who'd loved horses, and had taught Gillian the bare basics of how to ride them. Though that had been...fourteen? Fifteen years ago?

She smiled with embarrassment and gingerly climbed up onto the horse, which seemed patient enough to let her make her way slowly up into the saddle.

An agonizing minute lately, acutely aware that she most likely looked quite the fool for clambering awkwardly up into the saddle, she turned her head slowly to the side and smiled nervously at Alyssa.

"It's been quite a while since I rode a horse. I'd be grateful if we took it a little slower than you're most likely used to."

[Risk]

Alyssa nodded and unclipped the lead from the mare, wrapping the rope around her shoulder and turning to her stallion. She stroked his face with a single gloved finger, and then briskly and easily swung into the saddle. There was a grace to her seat in the saddle, back straight but shoulders relaxed, heels down easily and her right hand gently holding the reigns. The moment her hand touched those reigns, Rezalio tucked his head in and turned his ears back to listen for instruction, "These horses will go no faster than you are prepared to allow. They are trained well to listen to the heart before the word but the word overall."

She turned her stallion to face Gilllian and backed him up slowly, "Gently, Rezalio," She said, "And you as well, Ashfire. Grandmaster, if you will, direct her to my right and I will position myself slightly behind you. Ride at your pleasure." She turned Rezalio again to head off in the same pace and direction as Gillian, keeping the big stallion's nose at Ashfire's flank. She silently followed behind, deciding that her uncharacterized outbursts were not helping the situation. If the Grandmaster wished to speak, she would. It was not her place to extract information.

She turned her gaze to the moon, seemingly closer to the earth here than from her barracks in the city. It would be a quiet night.

[Steinerman]

Gillian did as Alyssa suggested, slowly guiding her horse to the right of the Knight-Commander and just a tad ahead, though not so much as that she would have to crane her neck behind her to speak to the Knight-Commander.

It took her several minutes of riding in silence to begin to relax and actually enjoy the ride. Ashfire's gait was steady and slow, and her memories of how to ride a horse were slowly filtering back to her.

The Knight-Commander was silent, perhaps waiting for Gillian to speak. With a wry grin Gillian thought about how she must appear to the Knight-Commander. In truth, she must have appeared quite a strange and erratic leader.

In the distance, the moon seemed afire with a soft, glowing radiance, bathing the landscape in a gentle, silver light. She caught herself smiling, genuinely smiling, at the landscape. Out here, she felt, things were much simpler. Here, she could forget about the intrigue of the capitol, or the logistics of running a military Order. Here, she could, at least for a few minutes, relax.

"Knight-Commander, you have been surprisingly quiet." Gillian's voice was soft and light, though curious as well.

"From what I've heard about you, 'quiet' doesn't fit you very well. Why the silence?"

[Risk]

Alyssa Lightshield directed her horse to flank the other, gently setting her hand to rest upon the stallion's withers. The leather was thin enough that she could feel the power in his shoulders and she closed her eyes for a moment, grateful for the familiarity of the horse's strength. Lost in thought, she started when Gillian spoke. The knight thought for a moment and took a breath before replying, "It did not seem that it was I who needed to speak." Her voice carried the slightest hint that she would not be sharing anything personal about herself.

How she had ever managed to find a man who would put up with her impersonality was beyond her. She imagined she never would again.

[Steinerman]

Gillian threw back her head and laughed at Lightshield's words. To the point as usual, it seemed. Her laughter turned into a shocked squeak of surprise as the horse picked up pace, misreading her laughter as a wish for more speed.

She quickly reigned in the horse as gently as possible, still somewhat chuckling. "A well-played deflection, Knight-Commander." She commended with amusement.

"My, but I do seem to be a very emotional and talkative woman, don't I?" She added on with a steady, open smile.

"Truly, I'm normally not like this. I've been a little on edge lately, there's talk that the Emperor is personally going to visit Teradia, and a rumor going around that he'll call upon our order." She shook her head in puzzlement, "It's odd, to say the least." She concluded.